Written By: Ryan K
Originally Posted: 9/20/2015
Today I move out of the Transitional Living House (TLH) and into an apartment in my old stomping grounds**. Another big transition and I sure do got the feels! I'm nervous, anxious, excited, prematurely nostalgic, motivated, grateful and of course #blessed. Tonight will mark my first night of 100% freedom since the beginning of June when I entered residential treatment. Whoa. That's a long time. Six weeks of resi then two months at TLH ... Not your typical summer. I spent the most anticipated season of the year in confinement to treat an eating disorder. With strangers. And no freedom. Good God almighty, WHY ME?
Confinement turned into home, strangers turned into family and I ended up gaining the most freedom in a long time from my eating disorder. Many patients spoke of being unhappy to be stuck here on so many beach days and I would agree, but deep down I was thinking this could possibly be one of the better summers in a while. By being here now, I'm going to have so many more summers to look forward to.
**Don't get me wrong; it has most certainly not been all fun and games (there were a lot of games though, not gonna lie, CONTACT WHAT UP?) but the sacrifice and hard work were worth it. It was here I tackled so many challenges I would have never accomplished on my own (ever) (no, seriously). It was here I came to understand so much about myself and my illness. It was here I learned from my many mistakes (note to self, don't get wasted and send your roommate to check in with the counselor). It was here I connected with some of the most amazing people I've ever met. It was here I learned I can face life's unexpected difficulties without hurting myself. It was here that allowed my mom to sleep again. But not sleep here; that's weird. I'm not completely there yet, but I am far from the Kim who almost passed the fuck out on the drive to enter residential. That girl was defeated and scared, but this girl is empowered and hopeful.
Most importantly, it was here that I found myself again. I actually felt it. One night in resi I said to myself, "Oh. Hey! Nice to have you back." The darkness following me for so many years was slowly dissipating. Kim is coming back! The real Kim! I remember ringing in the New Year and telling my aunt, "This is going to be a good year." She looked at me curiously and asked, "Why do you say that?" I responded, "I don't know. I just think so." She thought maybe this year I will be in a relationship or win the lottery. No, no, auntie D. Even better. This year I found love for me. To quote Oscar Wilde, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." You could even say I found love in a hopeless place. Rihanna knows what I'm talking about.
Yes I realize this is very mushy but the title is from Moulin Rouge, what did you expect?? Ah, crap. Gave it away. FREE HUGS FOR EVERYONE!
Original post can be found at www.ryandoesresi.com.