Surprises: Part 1

Written by: Ryan K
Originally posted: 6/10/2015


Despite my decade-long struggle, I've only acknowledged my eating disorder to myself and others for about six months. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt; I set up shop there. And I can't even swim.

In PHP, I was surprised by many rules. I was scolded for putting trail mix into my apple sauce. If I wanted carrot juice instead of OJ, I had to have four extra ounces. I couldn't even complain about how the Gatorade I was forced to drink because of low potassium had like, 1% potassium. What?? I didn't say calories! I said potassium! I couldn't wear leggings because it could potentially be triggering to others, yet was handed a magazine in Media Literacy group with the large headline "Lose ALL of your body fat!" emblazoned across a model wearing the same amount of extra carrot juice ounces in cloth.

Residential is a whole other beast. There are many rules and jargon, all of which I am still getting acquainted. Here are a few surprises thus far, and I'm labeling this PART I because I have a feeling there will be more surprises to come.

• They took away Jesus. Let me explain. My aunt gave me a book, "Breakfast with God," and the clinician who went through my things took it away because it "has to do with food and can be triggering." My mom said, "But it's God!" Clinician said, "But it's breakfast!" I said, "What the shit is my life right now?" 
• They also took away a new book I bought called "The Happiness Project." Point taken.
• Makeup compacts with mirrors, anything in a plastic container, anything with staples (among many many other things) are considered risky and had to be confiscated. I have never felt more simultaneously annoyed and badass ever in my life.
• The overnight staff goes by each room every half hour and flashes a light to make sure we're all still here. Guess I won't be jumping out the fire escape.
• If you're considered medically unstable as I am now (blood pressure and heart rate are not cooperating), you cannot attend the group outing before dinner. So you blog instead.

I think that's good for now.

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Original post can be found at www.ryandoesresi.com.