Written by: Ryan K
Originally posted: 8/15/2015
Like my Pats reference? No? OK (I love Tom Brady #codeword) (Few will understand)
So here's the thing. Many of us ED kids have amazing sources of support. Family members, significant others, friends, coworkers, teachers, pets (lol). These people and animals can try as hard as humanly possible (animally possible? OK I'm done) to motivate, encourage, sympathize, etc. but when push comes to shove, they just don't understand. Not to discount any of this valuable support we do get, but there is a huge difference between sympathizing and commiserating.
Mental illness is fucked up. When you break an arm, there is a standard protocol and an average time of recovery. If the doctor tells you after a few weeks you're good to go back to work, chances are you will probably go back to work almost healed. If you take medical leave of absence to go into treatment for an eating disorder for several weeks or even months, the chances of returning almost healed are much different. Mental disorders are very tricky. Progress towards recovery will wax and wane, go up and down, go sideways and backwards, zigzag to the left, swerve to rock bottom, propel northwest ... You get the picture. As someone who is competent, capable, an extremely fast learner and has never been stumped by a challenge ever in her 30 years, this shit is a bitch. I'm the person to whom you teach something new and gets it right away. I'm the person who becomes impatient with people that don't get shit done by the time they say they will get shit done. But why can't I do this?
I've mentioned this before: Overcoming my ED is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Not only is this hard, it's frustrating as fuck. Here are some things I hate about recovery:
Wow. You get me #feelsoclosetoyourightnow
As you can see, there is a lot of weird shit running ("mindfully walking") through our heads. Not only do the non ED not understand, there is also so much stigma around eating disorders, which adds to the shame, guilt, and inability to seek help.
So is it possible to be grateful for both those who fully understand and those who don't? For those who understand, thank you for making me feel much less alone. For those who don't, thank you for loving me anyway.
Original post can be found at www.ryandoesresi.com.